


The Winter's Crest Episode

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: As In All The Canon Things Happened But Maybe Not In That Specfic Way, Canon Typical Violence, Canon typical alcohol use, Cookies, First Kiss, Flashback, Fluff, Kissing, Modern AU-Ghosthunting, Multi, Running Jokes About Llamas, Specifically an episode of Ghostpunchers: Punchers of Ghosts, Winter's Crest, canon adjacent, unusual format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-17 19:30:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16980438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: It's Winter's Crest again, and the Ghostpunchers are traveling to the Wildmother's temple to join Caduceus to celebrate in traditional Winter's Crest fashion. Baking cookies, exchanging presents, fighting a giant tree.....





	The Winter's Crest Episode

**Author's Note:**

> For Dresden, who brings me much joy and yells along with me during Critical Role on Thursdays and indulges me when I start going on about what kind of cookies Caduceus would make, which is how all this started. 
> 
> This AU is basically Modern M9 except they're ghost hunters. The canon events mostly all happened, but some of them happened differently. For example, Molly died but he got better. Caduceus's introduction happened a little differently and heavily featured possessed llamas. Things like that.
> 
> This honestly started out as a simple fic involving cookie baking, and then my brain started doing this whole AU with things like LORE and then I started typing and even though I haven't written a script for *anything* since college (it was a hobby of mine since high school) I found myself falling into that format.
> 
> That being said, I know my scriptwriting is far from perfect, it's been at least 15 years since I've done a script and I never formally took a class on it, I just know it from books.I also played a little loose with the formatting so it'd be actually readable on AO3. For example, stage directions are in italics to differentiate them from the dialogue for easier reading. 
> 
> Sound effects and special effects are capitalized. (O.S.) means off screen, INT means interior and EXT means exterior.

_Previously on Ghostpunchers: Punchers of Ghosts:_

_CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON plays over a montage of various scenes including but not limited to: Beau punching a ghost, Fjord with his eyes rolled back in his head summoning a demon, Jester bashing a group of skeletons apart with her glowing spiritual lollipop, Caduceus tending to flowers on a grave as a hand comes up from out of the ground, Yasha in classic Screaming With Outstretched Skeletal Wings As Lightning Strikes In Background Pose (tm), Caleb reading a huge dusty tome only to have Frumpkin jump up on the book and immediately curl up in the middle of it, Molly leaping off a mausoleum, swords blazing with radiant energy as he lands in the middle of a group of zombies, and ending with a terrified Nott clinging to the back of a llama that’s running at full speed. The llama’s eyes are completely white and it has very sharp teeth._

_NOW:_

_EXT. WINDING COUNTRY ROAD-DAYWe slowly swoop down to focus on a black passenger van featuring a mural of sparkly unicorns painted on the side. Cut to CALEB staring out the window. He looks tired, but no more so than usual._

_INT. VAN_

JESTER (O.S.)

Are we there yet?

_Caleb turns to look at JESTER, who smiles back as innocently as she can, though her twitching tail gives away her amusement._

CALEB

You ask that every time we come out here.

_Jester smiles brightly._

JESTER

Yes! That makes it traditional. You would miss it if I didn't ask.

_Caleb turns back in his seat, and we can see him hiding a slight smile._

CALEB

Ja, okay, maybe I would.

BEAU (O.S.)

Seriously though, are we there yet?

_BEAU is curled up in her seat, legs tucked underneath her. YASHA is asleep next to her, her head against Beau's shoulder._

BEAU (Annoyed)

We've been driving for _hours_ and there's nothing to look at except trees and farms and more trees. I forgot how _boring_ this drive is.

MOLLY (O.S.)

I don't mind that.

_MOLLY is sitting next to Jester, and he looks like maybe he is being contrary for the sake of antagonizing Beau._

MOLLY

It's peaceful, and I think we could all do with a bit of peaceful after that last job. And it's nice to be on dry land again.

_NOTT is sitting behind Caleb, on the other side of Jester, one hand clutching her ever-present flask._

NOTT

I never want to see water ever again. Or feel it. I'll just take dust baths like a chinchilla or something.

_FJORD, driving the van, tenses visibly, and when he speaks it's clear he's trying to keep hurt and guilt out of his voice._

FJORD

I'm sorry for dragging you all into my personal business. Still, I liked being out on the sea again. And we did learn a lot.

_Caleb stares down at the scar on his palm._

CALEB

Indeed.

_Fjord cocks his head._

FJORD

You say something, Caleb?

_Caleb stops staring at his hand and starts petting FRUMPKIN instead, who PURRS._

CALEB

You want to turn left here, at the llama farm.

_Everyone shudders at the word "llama."_

CUT TO:

EXT. GRAVEYARD/TEMPLE SET-AFTERNOON

_The formerly abandoned temple to the Wildmother continues to look better every episode we see it, while at the same time the woods around the area get darker and the vines around the iron gates protecting the place grow taller and the thorns sharper looking. The damage to the temple that occurred in 3x01 "Night of the Llamas" has been repaired._

_The van is parked and everyone steps out, stretching._

YASHA

Sorry for falling asleep on you, Beau. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable.

_Beau blushes._

BEAU

Oh-um-it was fine I was fine, no worries there.

_Suddenly there is a NOISE LIKE A WOMAN SCREAMING. Fjord and Nott both jump about a foot in the air. Yasha's eyes grow black along with her hair as her wings extend. Beau looks like she isn't sure if she's scared or aroused._

NOTT

It's a banshee!

FJORD

It's a ghost, I _knew_ this place was still haunted!

YASHA (Growls something in Celestial)

_Molly laughs and points up to the roof of the temple._

_There is a PEACOCK (not a live one, that's what digital effects are for) on the roof of the temple. As they watch, the peacock CALLS again._

CADUCEUS (O.S.)

Yeah, they really like it up there for some reason.

_Everyone turns around and our focus shifts to CADUCEUS. He is wearing his usual silk shirt, but it is smudged with dirt and streaks of black ichor. He is holding a SEVERED CORPSE HAND WITH DARK RED FLOWERS GROWING OUT OF IT in one hand and his staff in the other. Just like the temple, he looks better every time we see him too, he's gained some weight since the last time we saw him._

CADUCEUS

The llama farm just got peacocks, and they haven't gotten any better about keeping the animals on their own property. Guess you can't teach some people.

_Everyone but Caduceus shudders at the mention of llamas. Yasha's WINGS fade and her hair and eyes go back to normal. Everyone is smiling now, relieved and glad to see their friend._

_Fjord gestures towards Caduceus's shirt and the stains disappear._

FJORD

Doing some gardening there?

_Caduceus chuckles softly._

CADUCEUS

More like pruning. There's no shortage of work to be done around here. That's fine, I like keeping busy.

_Caduceus smiles a warm and friendly smile as his eyes sweep over the group._

CADUCEUS

I'm glad you're here. I wasn't sure you'd make it back in time. My dreams had been... Particularly foreboding about the subject.

_Yasha catches Caduceus's eye and nods. He's not the only person who has been having strange dreams lately._

CADUCEUS

But we can talk about that later. Let's get you all settled first.

MOLLY

Yes please. I want to change into something more... Festive.

_Beau groans._

BEAU

Oh gods, not another one of your fashion disasters.

_Molly grins wickedly._

MOLLY

Says the woman who wears her makeup for three days in a row and calls it good.

_Beau flips him off, but when the group's attention is off of her we see her checking her makeup._

CADUCEUS

Your rooms are just how you left them. How about everyone meets me in the kitchen in about half an hour? I could use your help. How are you at making cookies?

_Jester grins and claps her hands._

JESTER

Only the best at it EVER.

_Caduceus is still smiling as he looks at the corpse hand he's holding._

CADUCEUS

I'll make some tea.

_Everyone grabs things from the back of the van, including packages wrapped in bright paper before heading inside._

FADE OUT

FADE IN-INT-TEMPLE KITCHEN

_It's obvious from the large space, the two massive stove tops and the wall of six built in ovens, this particular temple to the Wildmother placed a great emphasis on making sure people got fed. The kitchen itself is warm and bright, though not particularly clean at the moment. Nearly every surface should be covered in flour, sugar, or icing, like a baking tornado has occurred. There are Frumpkin paw prints in the flour._

CADUCEUS (O.S.)

While I appreciate your help, Nott, I would rather not have alcohol in these cookies thank you.

_There is a long kitchen island in the center of the space. Jester and Fjord are sitting next to each other, both decorating cookies. Fjord looks completely out of his depth as he fumbles awkwardly with the icing bag. Jester is concentrating hard on her cookie, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. There are jars of colored sugar nearby, and those little crunchy silver ball things people decorate cookies with._

NOTT (O.S.)

Well then why do they call it butterscotch if there's no scotch involved? That's false advertising or something.

_Fjord looks over at Jester for a moment, his expression full of adoration. You can just see his tusks peeking out over his lower lip._

_Jester looks up, and Fjord quickly looks away, blushing._

_Jester looks at Fjord and her smile isn't the wide grin we see when she interacts with other members of the group. It's softer. Hopeful._

FJORD

I was just--um---admiring your sweatshirt. It's... Festive.

_We PAN DOWN to Jester's sweatshirt. It's BRIGHT RED with GLITTERY GREEN EMBROIDERY that spells out "Holiday Baking in the Making!" There are three smiling gingerbread folks on it and a variety of baking supplies, bags of flour, sugar, spice jars, etc. It looks like it came straight from the Fantasy Costco. It's at least one size too big for Jester._

JESTER

Awww, thank you Fjord!

MOLLY (O.S.)

It _does_ look great on you, dear. But if we're talking festive...

_We PAN OVER past Fjord, Jester and Yasha, to Molly. Molly and Yasha's area of the counter is a mess of rainbow sprinkles, scattered chocolate chips, and spilled cornflakes and pretzels. We can just see the edge of Caleb in frame, placing him next to Molly._

_Molly is wearing a sweater that is at least as garish as his coat, covered in GARLAND, MULTI-COLORED LIGHTS, and SEQUINS of all colors depicting a traditionally decorated WINTER'S CREST TREE._

_Molly presses the star on the top of the "tree" and a NON-COPYRIGHTED CHIPTUNE VERSION OF A WINTER'S CREST CAROL PLAYS._

_Beau is making rum balls, rolling the dough into confectioner's sugar and placing them on a plate that is sitting next to a bottle of rum. She grimaces when she hears the music coming from Molly's sweater._

BEAU

Where did you even find that thing anyway?

_Yasha, who has been scooping BRIGHT YELLOW cookie dough filled with chocolate chips, cornflakes, pretzels and rainbow sprinkles out of the bowl beside Molly and onto a cookie sheet, looks up._

YASHA

I bought it for him.

_Molly smirks at Beau._

BEAU

It ummm---

_Beau blushes, not wanting to insult anything Yasha does ever._

_Unseen by everyone, Nott's hands reach for the plate of rum balls, which are *just* out of her reach. A moment later, a barely seen MAGE HAND grabs the plate and delivers it to an out of frame Nott._

BEAU

It's very...him.

MOLLY

You mean flashy and fabulous?

BEAU (grumbling)

More like an abomination unto the gods.

_Beau reaches for the bottle of rum at the same time the MAGE HAND closes around it. Beau pulls on the bottle, looking at it when she encounters resistance, then looking down at Nott._

_Nott looks back up at Beau, plate of stolen cookies still in her hands. They stare at each other for a long moment before the MAGE HAND vanishes and Beau claims the bottle for her own._

BEAU

The cookies too, Nott.

_Nott shakes her head._

NOTT

Not until you stop being grumpy.

_Molly laughs._

MOLLY

I had no idea she was going to take my advice to heart. This is delightful.

_Beau frowns and crosses her arms._

BEAU

C'mon, Nott. Being grumpy is totally part of the holiday.

CADUCEUS (O.S.)

Is it really?

_Caduceus is sliding a tray of light tan cookies into the oven. They are LLAMA SHAPED. He closes the oven door and turns to Beau, completely forgetting to set a timer. He is wearing the most flowery apron ever._

CADUCEUS

I mean, most of my memories of past Winter's Crests have been happy ones. Big family dinners, caroling, defending towns from restless spirits, opening presents at sunrise...

_Caduceus smiles and stares off into the middle distance for a moment._

BEAU

Well yeah, but you _like_ your family.

_Beau takes a pull from the rum bottle._

BEAU

Dad would hold these huge Winter's Crest parties for his business associates. Just an excuse to show of the house and, you know, us. I'd have to wear these dresses...

_Beau looks at Jester, who is wearing a skirt even with her sweatshirt._

BEAU

Not that dresses are _bad_ , just not me, you know? When I was little, I'd spend the night hiding under the dessert table or sneaking into the coatroom and going through people's pockets. _That_ part was fun.

JESTER

We had parties too! The Lavish Chateau always closed early on the night before Winter's Crest, and there'd be a big party for all the staff with lots of food, and dancing, and Momma would sing. And presents! I'd do drawings and stuff as presents. Everyone loved them.

_Jester smiles at Fjord._

JESTER

What about you, Fjord?

_Fjord looks uncomfortable, and he gives Jester a pained sort of half smile._

FJORD

The orphanage wasn't really big on the holidays. We'd get given practical stuff. New bedsheets, a new pillow. Sometimes there'd be a toy if anyone donated any that year.

_Fjord starts to worry at one of his slowly growing tusks with his thumb, then contritely stops when he sees Jester is looking at him._

FJORD

Then you know, later, more often than not, we'd be off at sea during the holiday, so like, no big parties or anything like that.

_There's the noise of a plate being slid unto the counter, then we see Nott climbing up onto a stool to sit next to Beau._

NOTT

I didn't even know what Winter's Crest was until last year. It's not a goblin thing. Like birthdays.

MOLLY

I don't remember any Winter's Crests from my childhood, obviously. Or most of my adulthood, really.

_Molly chuckles, seemingly unbothered by this._

MOLLY

Honestly, last year, with us sitting around and licking our wounds after a fight and eating day old Winter's Crest cookies we bought at that gas station? That was pretty much traditional for Yasha and I.

_Molly leans his head against Yasha's shoulder. Yasha smiles and kisses the top of Molly's head, mindful of the horns._

NOTT

What about you, Yasha? Any fond memories of Winter's Crests past?

YASHA

Just the ones with Molly. Before that... The holiday didn't mean very much, where I came from.

_She goes back to scooping cookie dough, and hands a full cookie sheet to Caduceus, who slides it in the oven and sets the timer._

CADUCEUS

How about you, Caleb?

_For the first time this scene we get a clear look at Caleb. His workspace is the cleanest out of all of the group, especially in contrast to Molly's next to him. It's like the eye of the storm. He's not wearing his coat, though he is still wearing his book holsters, and his sleeves are rolled up to the elbows. He seems very focused on carefully rolling what appear to be Zemnian_ _Pfeffernuss into powdered sugar and placing the cookies onto a cooling rack._

CALEB

Hmmm?

BEAU

Yeah Caleb, got any Winter's Crest stories for us?

_Caleb's whole posture tenses, but he doesn't stop what he is doing._

CALEB

Oh, well, I...

_Suddenly, the high pitched BEEPING of a smoke alarm goes off at the same time we see smoke pouring out of the oven that Caduceus put the gingerbread llamas in._

_Caduceus regards this with the same level of calm he regards most everything._

CADUCEUS

Forgot to set the timer. Sorry about that.

_Caduceus reaches for potholders and pulls the charred cookies out of the oven._

_Camera PANS back to Caleb, who is staring at the smoke, eyes gone far away and vacant. We've seen that look before._

FLASHBACK-EXT-CALEB'S CHILDHOOD HOME-NIGHT

_A house is BURNING, completely consumed by flames, the same footage as every other time, where we pull back from the burning house to see a YOUNG CALEB on his knees, staring at his hands as tears run down his face._

_A wrinkled hand lands on Caleb's shoulder, but Caleb doesn't show any sign that he's even aware of it._

OLDER MALE VOICE (O.S.)

You've done well.

_Caleb doesn't respond, just keeps staring at his hands._

YOUNGER MALE VOICE (O.S.)

Caleb?

YOUNG FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)

Caleb?

_Caleb raises his head, staring at the flames and begins to scream as we pull back from the scene. Against the burning house we see four figures silhouetted for a brief second, three of them standing beside a kneeling Caleb and then--_

MOLLY

Caleb?

PRESENT DAY-INT-MOLLY'S ROOM

_Molly's room looks the same as when we last saw it in 3x03 "Home Sweet Home" with the addition of Caleb's coat thrown over the end of the bed on top of Molly's and both Caleb and Molly's bags resting against the footboard._

_We hear the SMOKE ALARM for a few beats and then it stops._

_Caleb is sitting on the bed, tears streaming down his cheeks, staring straight ahead. As we watch, he blinks and inhales sharply, looking around._

_Molly is sitting next to him, close enough that Caleb could reach out and touch him if he wants to, but far enough to give Caleb some space._

_Molly looks concerned. This isn't the first time he's had Caleb "go away" on him._

_Caleb slowly starts wiping away tears from his eyes._

CALEB

Sorry, I'm sorry, I--

MOLLY

It's all right, Caleb. It is.

_Molly shifts slightly and raises an arm as if he's going to put it around Caleb, but Caleb flinches away._

CALEB

Not...not just yet. Please.

_Molly nods._

MOLLY

Okay.

_Caleb takes a few deep breaths and then snaps his fingers. Frumpkin APPEARS in Caleb's lap and Caleb begins petting his familiar._

_Molly's tail thumps against the bedsheets in the same manneras an agitated cat._

MOLLY

Caleb. Whatever this is. If it's something from your past... You know I'm not going to judge you, right?

CALEB(very softly)

Ja, you have said that before.

MOLLY

And I meant it. What's past is past, Caleb. I"m interested in who you are _now_ , not what you were then.

_Caleb stares down at Frumpkin, who PURRS._

CALEB

But you still wish for me to talk about it.

_Molly sighs._

MOLLY

I sleep next to you most nights Caleb, and even when I don't, well, hotel room walls are very thin. I know you're having nightmares still.

_Molly reaches over and scratches Frumpkin behind one ear._

MOLLY

I'm not saying you have to talk to _me_ about it. You have plenty of people who would be willing to listen to you. I don't care about your past, Caleb, but I know _you_ do. I don't want it to eat you alive.

_Caleb sighs, and his hand on Frumpkin moves to cover Molly's,_

CALEB

Can we talk about this later? Winter's Crest is not the time for sad things, ja?

 _Molly has an expression like, "I know what you're doing but I'm going along with it._ "

MOLLY

You're right. It's the time of year to eat too much, drink too much, and shower each other with gifts!

_Molly reaches into his bag and pulls out a wrapped package that is very obviously books shaped._

_Caleb immediately perks up a little. Frumpkin jumps up onto Caleb's shoulder and drapes himself in classic cat scarf pose._

MOLLY

I know it's early, but, well, what are traditions for but to break them?

_Molly hands the gift to Caleb, who now looks like he's nearly vibrating with excitement._

CALEB

I have... Something for you as well.

_Caleb reaches over into his coat and pulls out a very small green velvet box, like the type jewelry comes in, and hands it to Molly._

_Molly grins and strokes the velvet box with his thumb._

MOLLY

Open yours first.

_Caleb is already unwrapping the gift, meticulously peeling off the tape and trying not to tear the wrapping paper. Molly just chuckles and waits._

_The book is just the right size to fit into one of Caleb's holsters, and is obviously very old and worn, just the way Caleb likes his books. The cover is beat up old leather, the pages uneven and handmade looking._

_Caleb opens the book and begins flipping through it. The pages are covered with an angular glyph like script, and there are occasional pictures of creatures breaking up the text, such as Beholders and displacer beasts._

MOLLY

I don't know if it's magical at all, but it seemed like the sort of thing you look for in a book. Dusty and old and written in some weird language.

_Caleb is still turning pages. No matter how many pages he turns, he never seems to get any closer to reaching the end of the book._

CALEB

It's Undercommon I think. The structure is very similar at least.

_Caleb raises a hand to make an arcane gesture, then looks to Molly, who is smiling and still holding the unopened box._

_Caleb looks sheepish and lowers his hand._

CALEB

Thank you, Molly. I can decipher this later. You should... Open that.

MOLLY

Are you sure? I don't mind watching you completely nerd out over your new book. It's kind of adorable.

_Caleb blushes as he switches out his holstered journal to put the new book in its place._

CALEB

Ja, I am sure.

_Molly opens the box and his eyes immediately light up._

MOLLY

Oh Caleb, it's beautiful!

_Molly lifts a NECKLACE consisting of a SILVER CHAIN and a HEART-SHAPED PENDANT out of the box. The stone of the pendant is swirled red and white and is set in silver the same color as the chain._

_Molly immediately puts it on. The chain should be long enough so that it rests right over Molly's heart._

CALEB

It's a periapt of wound closure. It helps you to heal a bit faster when we are resting between fights and...

_Caleb pauses, looks away from Molly for a moment, then looks back._

CALEB

If you are unconscious, it'll stop you from bleeding out.

_Caleb reaches out and places one hand on Molly's chest, over the periapt and over where the scar from Molly's fight with Lorenzo would be._

CALEB (very softly)

I do not want to lose you again, Mollymauk Tealeaf.

_Caleb leans closer to Molly._

MOLLY (also softly)

Mister Caleb, I'm not going anywhere.

_Molly and Caleb kiss and it is tender and sweet--_

_And is completely interrupted by a NON-COPYRIGHTED CHIPTUNE VERSION OF A WINTER'S CREST CAROL, the musical sweater set off by the pressure of Caleb's hand on Molly's chest._

_There is a beat where no one moves before they both break away from each other and start laughing._

NOTT (O.S.) (muffled from the other side of the door)

They're laughing, that's a good sign, right?

BEAU (O.S.)(muffled from the other side of the door)

I don't know. Caleb isn't really big on laughing. Does it sound hysterical?

NOTT (O.S.)(with the audio filter for whenever anyone uses Message or Sending)

Caleb, are you all right? You can reply to this message.

_Caleb puts his head in his hand, still chuckling but also mildly embarrassed._

CALEB

I'm fine now, Nott, thank you.

NOTT (O.S.)(muffled through the door)

Okay then, are you and Molly busy?

MOLLY

Busy, or like, _busy_?

_Caleb blushes._

BEAU (O.S.) (muffled through the door)

Ewww, don't be gross, Molly, I don't want to picture that. No one does. Listen, just make yourself decent or whatever and meet us in the sanctuary. 'Duceus says he has a surprise for us.

CALEB (quickly)

Yes, okay, thank you.

_We hear MUFFLED FOOTSTEPS as Beau and Nott leave._

_Molly is chuckling to himself._

MOLLY

I guess we better go put in an appearance.

_Molly smiles softly at Caleb, but his eyes are worried, like he hasn't forgotten what brought them into this room in the first place. He reaches out and tucks a lock of hair behind Caleb's ear._

MOLLY

 _Are_ you all right?

_Caleb nods, and we get the sense that it's not a lie, or at least, not much of one._

CALEB

Ja, I'm good.

_Molly nods, dropping the subject, and arranges the periapt just so._

MOLLY

Well? How does it look?

_Caleb doesn't even look at the periapt, instead just looking at Molly's face._

CALEB

Beautiful.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN-INT-EARLY EVENING-WILDMOTHER'S SANCTUARY

_We haven't seen the sanctuary since 3x01 "Night of the Llamas." The fallen balcony has been cleared away, and all the broken glass in the windows has been replaced. The stone floor is still covered in soft moss and the stone pillars that had supported the balcony are still covered in ivy and moss, the place looks a little less overgrown and more like the plants have been cultivated and encouraged to be there._

_There are lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling, but the light they give off should seem natural and not harsh in any way._

_Off to the left of the altar is a SPRUCE TREE in a LARGE CERAMIC PLANTER. The tree is barely ten feet tall and super spindly, has a spot on one side that isn't as full as the others, a slightly crooked trunk so it leans a bit to one side, and it's not the vibrant green of a healthy plant._

_The group is gathered around it with dubious expressions on their faces, all except for Caduceus, who gives the tree a sad little smile._

CADUCEUS

I couldn't just leave it at the tree farm. Poor thing was at the back of the lot, getting picked over for the showier trees. If I hadn't adopted them, no one else would have.

_Caduceus gives the tree a affectionate pat. Some of the needles fall off._

CADUCEUS (to the tree)

Sorry about that.

FJORD

Kinda reminds me of last year's tree. That beat up artificial one we got at the discount store.

_Jester, her eyes shining with determination, claps her hands together once._

JESTER

Right! Well, we made that tree look very pretty and we can do the same for this one!

_Jester reaches into her bright pink Handy Haversack and pulls out several beat up boxes of cheap ornaments and an absolute tangle of lights and garland that we last saw in 2x10 "Have Yourself A Merry Little Krampus."_

_Caduceus smiles and pats the tree again._

CADUCEUS

How does that sound to you? We'll decorate you, if you don't mind, and then in a few days I'll plant you out in the graveyard. I already have a nice spot picked out for you, next to the Costalas.

_The tree has absolutely no reaction to this but Caduceus nods._

CADUCEUS

We're all set.

MONTAGE BEGINS

_While WHATEVER THE MOST POPULAR WINTER'S CREST CAROL IS plays in the background, we see several things amongst what I assume the cast will ad-lib because that is what they do._

_Nott tries to untangle the garland and lights._

_Nott becomes tangled in the garland and lights._

_Beau and Fjord untangling Nott._

_Yasha breaking an ornament and Jester fixing it with Mending._

_Jester taking a bit of spare garland and decorating Caduceus's staff with it._

_Caleb attempting to cast Identify on his new book only to have Frumpkin run by with the end of the garland in his mouth, Molly chasing after the cat. Caleb sighs even as he smiles, spell disrupted and snaps his fingers. Frumpkin disappears and reappears on Caleb's shoulder as he stands and goes to help everyone with the tree decorating._

_Everyone bringing in presents to put under the tree. More than a few of them are obviously wrapped bottles of alcohol, most of them for Nott, but a few of them are for Beau and Molly as well. One looks like a bo staff wrapped in shiny blue paper because that is what it is._

MONTAGE ENDS.

FJORD

Well that's.... Better?

_The tree is surrounded by presents and also a ring of fallen needles. Some of the branches are drooping under the weight of just one ornament. Even the weight of the lights might be nearly too much for it._

JESTER (desperately trying to sound cheerful)

Well, we haven't done the best part yet!

_Jester reaches into her haversack and pulls out the tree topper, a SUN, the metal tarnished in places. It looks a little beat up, but still serviceable. Last seen in episode 2x10 "Have Yourself A Merry Little Krampus."_

JESTER

Who wants to do the honors?

CALEB

I think it should be Caduceus, if no one minds. He's our host after all.

CADUCEUS

Why thank you.

_Jester hands the sun to Caduceus, who places it on the top of the tree. In the glow from the lights it almost looks beautiful._

CADUCEUS (to the tree)

There you go.

JESTER

There! It looks better already.

_Molly tilts his head._

MOLLY

You know, it kind of does.

NOTT

Does it look... I don't know, greener to anyone else?

FJORD

Or a little taller?

_The tree indeed looks a little greener and suddenly becomes a lot taller as it SHOOTS UP TO ABOUT 20 feet tall and ten feet wide, breaking the planter it was in, its roots writhing like tentacles. The lights and garland can still kind of be seen deep within the branches. We can see the trunk split into two legs as the the branches whip about, narrowly missing Beau and Fjord._

BEAU

What the fuck?

CADUCEUS (calmly)

Friend, we meant no disrespect--

_The tree slams a branch into Caduceus, who is thrown back against the altar, knocking the staff from his hand._

CADUCEUS (a little dazed and disappointed as only a cleric can be)

Well that's just rude.

_The tree takes a lurching step forward and there is the crunch of broken presents underneath its feet._

JESTER

After we went and made you pretty and everything!

_Jester summons her GLOWING SPIRITUAL LOLLIPOP, the edges jagged with PURPLE ROCK CANDY CRYSTALS._

_Fjord SUMMONS HIS FALCHION and swings at an incoming branch._

FJORD

Anyone got any ideas why this is happening or what this thing even is?

NOTT

Is it a mimic or something? We can't trust anything these days!

_Caduceus rises to one knee, reaching for his staff._

CADUCEUS

It looks like one of the walking tree folk of the deep forests, but those are intelligent and usually friendly as long as you're respectful of their woods.

_Beau ducks under a flailing branch and steps back._

BEAU

I can't even get close enough to punch it. Shit, I wish I had my staff at least.

NOTT

And that's why I never go anywhere without this!

_Nott grabs her crossbow from her belt, because it never leaves her side ever, and fires at the tree. All it does is shatter an ornament._

_Yasha ducks under the branches suddenly and pulls a present from the pile, the shiny wrapped staff we saw earlier. She tosses it to Beau, who catches it easily with a grin._

YASHA

Merry Winter's Crest.

_Beau doesn't even pause to unwrap it, just starts swinging._

_Molly gets thrown by a branch and smacks into a pillar. Wincing, he slowly gets to his feet._

MOLLY

Yasha? Don't suppose you got me a sword for Winter's Crest?

_Yasha is hacking at branches, ornaments breaking as she goes._

YASHA

Sorry.

_Beau rolls underneath a branch, under the tree, and comes up with a wrapped box which she hurls in Molly's direction._

BEAU

It just seemed stupid to have you going around with one cool sword and one fake one. I only got it to balance out your terrible aesthetic.

_Molly completely fumbles the box but still manages to open it quickly. The sword could almost be a twin to Summer's Dance in shape, this blade silver tinged with blue instead of gold._

MOLLY

I love you too, Beau!

_Beau flips him off._

_Molly grins and runs the new sword over the back of his neck, drawing blood as the blade glows._

MOLLY

Let's try you out!

_Molly rushes into the fray, hacking at branches next to Yasha and Fjord as Caduceus casts SACRED FLAME and Jester hits the tree with her lollipop as Nott keeps trying and mostly failing to damage the tree in any significant way. Several times the branches hit everyone, but the group stands their ground._

_Caleb stands in the background, one hand raised, fire crawling along his fingers._

CALEB (muttering)

I was not expecting a fight today.

_Caleb looks at his hand, then at the group, and seems to think better of lighting a tree on fire when his friends are that close to it and they're in a basically confined space. Instead the flames on his hand die as he reaches into a pocket and pulls out a pinch of iron powder as he mutters a spell._

_Nothing happens._

CALEB (swears in Zemnian)

_Caleb mutters something arcane and makes a few familiar hand motions as his eyes glow bright blue._

CALEB'S POV

_We see the various weapons or items on the group glowing via Caleb's Detect Magic spell, and we also see the sun tree-topper on the raging tree is glowing brightly as well._

CALEB

It's the sun! At the top of the tree! We have to remove it!

_Nott waves a hand and a GREEN SPECTRAL HAND appears, flying towards the top of the tree, grabbing for the sun, missing a few times as the tree moves to attack everyone. Finally though, the hand grabs the sun and yanks it off._

_The tree immediately turns back into the ten foot tall spindly specimen of a tree it once was, now missing several branches, and falls over onto the presents. There's the sound of breaking glass as something, an ornament or a gift, shatters._

_There are general sounds of congratulations to Nott, whose mage hand is still holding the tree-topper._

CADUCEUS

Is everyone all right?

JESTER

I think the tree did more damage to the presents than to us.

CADUCEUS

Well that's all right then. Things can be replaced. People never can be.

_Caduceus starts doing a HEALING PRAYER._

FJORD

Okay, what the hell is this thing, anyway? Nothing happened when we used it last year!

BEAU

Maybe it needed to be on an actual like, alive tree?

CALEB

If you give me a minute I can identify it.

_At the word "identify," the book Molly gave Caleb, still in its holster, begins to GLOW._

_Caleb looks down at the book, then at Molly, then the book again._

CALEB

Okay....

_Caleb carefully removes the book from its holster and opens it. For a moment we can still see the angular writing filling the pages before they suddenly go blank. After a second text appears, in Common, along with a picture of the sun tree topper._

CALEB (reading from the book)

Created for a Winter's Crest pageant by a wizard with more power than common sense. Instead of causing the creation of a large dancing tree as he had hoped, it instead caused a rampaging monster that disappeared into the woods, never to be seen again. This item is imbued with an enlarging spell and a particular variation of the "Animate Object" spell so that it only works on plants.

_Caleb looks up in surprise._

CALEB

That is more information than I get when I try to identify an object.

_The pages go blank again before filling up with the same angular script as before._

CALEB

This might be... Give me ten minutes.

_Caleb sits down with the book and pulls a pearl from his pocket._

BEAU

Well that's one way of getting out of cleaning up this mess.

_Caduceus and Yasha lift the tree off the pile of presents._

CADUCEUS

Yasha, you want to help me plant this outside? I already have the hole dug. Poor thing deserves a chance to grow into something better.

YASHA

All right.

_Caduceus and Yasha leave while Fjord, Jester, Beau, Nott, and Molly start picking through the mess, sweeping up the glass, etc._

BEAU

Sorry Nott, I think most of these bottles were for you.

NOTT (sounding slightly dejected)

That's all right. It's the thought that counts. That's how the saying goes, right?

BEAU

Well yeah, but still.

_Beau looks thoughtful._

BEAU

I'll be right back.

_Beau leaves._

_There are now two piles in the sanctuary, one of surviving presents and one of debris._

_Molly walks over to Caleb and sits down quietly until the wizard is finished with his spell._

CALEB

Molly, where did you find this book?

MOLLY

Just some junk shop along the road. Don't remember what town. Why?

_Caleb starts laughing._

CALEB

Only you, Mollymauk Tealeaf. Only you would have the luck to find an actual copy of Xanathar's Guide to Everything just lying around. It's rumored to contain endless information on all things arcane. And it identified that object all by itself! It can only do that once a day, but still!

_Molly grins._

MOLLY

So it's an even better present than I thought!

_Caleb smiles and leans against Molly. Frumpkin jumps up and drapes himself across both their laps._

CALEB

 _You_ are a gift, Mollymauk.

MOLLY

That's just the "new book high" talking.

CALEB (softly)

It is not.

_Caduceus and Yasha come back in, slightly dirt smudged, followed by Beau, who is holding something behind her back which she slips into the pile of presents when no one is looking._

CADUCEUS

After a fight like that, I think dinner is in order, don't you?

JESTER

Can we eat in here? Like a panic?

CADUCEUS

That sounds like an excellent idea.

_Everyone helps bring food from the kitchen, and soon there is a feast layed out on the moss, all vegetarian. There are also several platefuls of cookies, and of course tea. Everyone digs right in._

MOLLY

Getting into a fight on Winter's Crest is starting to become a tradition, isn't it?

CADUCEUS

Always was in my family. The veil between worlds gets thin and creatures get agitated a lot easier on the day with the longest darkness. Usually things didn't start getting restless _before_ dinner though.

JESTER

And now we just have to stay awake until sunrise and then we can open presents!

_Caleb's lips twitch up into a smile._

CALEB (softly)

In our family, I was allowed to open one present before sunrise. I always chose whatever present looked the most like a book, of course. I'd stay up reading until dawn, then greet the sun with my family.

_Molly reaches for Caleb's hand and squeezes it. Caleb squeezes back and leans against Molly._

FJORD

That sounds really nice, Caleb.

_Everyone looks at the pile of presents._

BEAU

Well, I mean, technically I already opened a present.

_Beau indicates her new staff. The wrapping is still clinging to it in shiny strips and it looks rather pretty._

MOLLY

And Caleb already gave me mine. _And_ I got one from Beau. It handles beautifully by the way.

_Beau nods, and smirks a little._

BEAU

Good to know.

CALEB

Molly already gave me a present as well. At this point it wouldn't be _fair_ if no one else got to open one too.

_Caduceus nods wisely._

CADUCEUS

Fairness is important. So are traditions.

_There's a moment where nobody moves, then Nott and Fjord both move to the pile of presents quickly, followed by Beau, then Caduceus and Yasha._

NOTT

I thought all the bottles broke?

_Nott holds up a unwrapped bottle of wine with a strip of the same blue shiny paper that we saw wrapped around Beau's staff crookedly taped to the neck of it as an impromptu gift tag. In Beau's messy scrawl we can just make out, "To Nott from Beau."_

BEAU

Yeah well, I had that stashed in the van for emergencies. Mom sends me a bottle every year anyway. It's.. really good wine.

_Nott hugs Beau around the knees._

NOTT

Thank you Beau.

BEAU

Don't mention it.

_Yasha reaches into the pile and pulls out a gift that looks... Squishy._

_Beau, who was smiling a second ago, now looks like she might be about to be sick._

BEAU

Oh, umm... That one's mine. To you. I mean, you probably knew that. It's on the tag.

_Yasha opens the present. It's a scarf, made from gray wool that looks very soft. We can see that there's a few holes in it from where Beau dropped stitches, and it gets narrow and then wide again in more than a few spots. It's almost ridiculously long._

BEAU

I didn't know what to get you... And Caduceus has been teaching me to knit, over the phone.

_Caduceus gives Beau a thumbs up. He's unwrapped his gift, a beautiful cast iron tea set, the cups and pot black with bright gold goldfish on them._

BEAU (fidgeting)

I know it's not perfect or anything..

_Yasha drapes the scarf over her shoulders, then wraps it several times around her neck before smiling and reaching to take both of Beau's hands in hers._

YASHA

I love it Beau. Thank you.

_Yasha kisses Beau on the cheek and Beau blushes._

BEAU

You're-- you're welcome. You look good, I mean, it looks good on you.

_Molly is obviously trying not to laugh as Beau makes her way back to the food._

_Fjord reaches into the pile of gifts and pulls out a little wrapped package in sparkly pink paper. The tag reads "To Fjord from Jester."_

JESTER

Okay, so I didn't know what to get you, and I thought maybe I'd paint you something but like, we're in the van or hotel rooms most of the time so the only place to put art is _here_ which is nice but I wanted to get you something that you could look at all the time and--

_Fjord is unwrapping the gift as Jester talks. It's a sailor's knot rope bracelet, the strands green and blue._

JESTER (continues)

So I made this for you, because they're supposed to be lucky, and I know sailors used to make them for their lovers as like, a promise to returnhome but it doesn't _have_ to mean we're a _thing_ or anything--

_Fjord smiles and puts the bracelet on, then holds up a hand._

FJORD

Jester, did my present to you survive the fight? Because if it did, you should open it.

_Jester digs into the pile and pulls out a very small wrapped package and opens it without saying a word._

_The rope bracelet she is holding in her hand is also green and blue._

FJORD

My crew-mates, they used to make these for their sweethearts, and they'd tease me because I never had anyone to make one for.

_Fjord slips the bracelet onto her hand._

FJORD

This year I did.

_Fjord and Jester look at each other for a moment before they embrace and passionately kiss._

_Caduceus smiles and covers his eyes while everyone else claps and cheers._

MOLLY

It's about time!

BEAU

That's one thing we agree on.

_Molly leans back against Caleb._

MOLLY

Should I have gotten you something more romantic, Mister Caleb?

CALEB

You got me a magical book. I can't think of anything more romantic than that.

_Molly chuckles._

MOLLY

And you gave me a heart. Highly symbolic.

_Caleb just wraps his arms around Molly and smiles, an honest and genuine smile._

_The camera pans over to a plate of gingerbread cookies, each decorated as a member of the group, including Frumpkin. A WINTER'S CREST CAROL begins to play as we fade to black and the end credits roll._

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I turned Xanathar's Guide to Everything into a magical item that can identify an object or creature once per day, and also provide any history about that item/creature. 
> 
> I'm angel-ascending on Tumblr and angel_in_ink on Twitter if you want to stop by and say hi or ask me for the recipes for butterscotch gingerbread cookies or Molly's Magnificent Mess cookies.


End file.
